Loved Ones
It has been one month exactly since we found out that Anastasha has anencephaly. This has been a hard month, probably only second in difficulty to the month that Ariana was diagnosed with leukemia back in 2001. We’ve walked through the initial shock and terror where things felt more like a dream than reality. Now we’re moving into a place of acceptance and greater peace, despite the continued pain.
We are exactly halfway to Tonya’s due date (20 weeks). Anastasha is about 6 inches long and weighs 6 ounces. She is already developing fingerprints and toeprints. She can blink and has a complete circulatory system. With the exception of her brain, all of her parts are fully formed and appear perfect.
Even though we are halfway through the pregnancy, there is no guarantee on how long we will have Anastasha. She could die in the womb at any time. She could be born very preterm. She could survive until term but die during the delivery. Or she could survive the birth process and live for some (way too short) period of time. We don’t know. We so deeply desire that Tonya will carry her until term and that we will get to hold her alive in our arms. But that is not promised to us. We just have today. And we do trust that her loving Father, Who created her, knows when her last heartbeat will be, whether in the womb or in our arms. And we know that He is good and will give us grace to endure the pain of her loss whenever and however it comes.
